So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
