She said her name was "party"
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Less talking, more tequila
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
