Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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