you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize