I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
