one might say we're banned from that church
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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