did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
