oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
