They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
this just has baby written all over it
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
