Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
