For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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