Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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