The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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