I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
