i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
