i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
