Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
