why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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