This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize