I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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