Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
