history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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