apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My cat gives me a boner
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
