Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My bed smells like the plague
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
