Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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