I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We had sex on a dog bed..
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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