Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
