It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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