maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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