worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
