Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
