Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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