If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
