We won't sleep together?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
