Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
