I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
