After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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