she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
