Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
