Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
