Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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