I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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