I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
