haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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