There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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