I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
