i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
