Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize