Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
