If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Never underestimate the power of titties
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