dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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