Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
