dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
as a side note pls kill me
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
