Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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