I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
