but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
