my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
