How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My Higher Power is John Stamos
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
