I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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