Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Randomize
