I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize