; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
