They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
