I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
