were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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