she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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