ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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