if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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