I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
