I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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