Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
