If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Welp...herpes.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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